Hajj 2024/1445: Why Me?: A Journey of Reflection and Gratitude

I just returned from fulfilling my fifth pillar of Hajj, Alhamdulillah, and my experience described in one word is EPIC.

It’s taken me some time to process my journey. I’ve spent the last week transitioning and acclimating back to life in this world. Being enveloped in the haram in Makkah and Madinah is like living in another world.

It was a full circle experience for me to be invited by The Most Kind, Merciful, and Generous so that He could forgive, renew, and grant me my duas.

Just this sends chills down my back. Knowing Who our Lord, Allah is, through His Mercy, Kindness, and Generosity.

What I received from the experience besides the above was a mental and physical preparation for the Day of Judgement except this time I had the opportunity to be forgiven and renewed as a newborn baby. On that day, there is only Judgment and the hope of Allah’s Mercy and shade.

There were so many insights and downloads for me on this pilgrimage that I am still processing. Some that stood out for me are:

Insights from Hajj

1. Sabr and Shukr: Hajj was oscillating between the states of sabr (patience) and shukr (gratitude), and so is life.
2. Heat of the Day of Judgment: The extreme heat reminded me of the heat on the Day of Judgment when the sun will be so close to us and there will be no shade except for the shade Allah grants to whom He wills. Now, the next step upon return is taking action to become one who receives His shade on that day.
3. Squeezing in the Grave: Performing Sai (going between the mountains of Safaa and Marwa) and being squeezed by the crowds when turning lanes from Safaa to Marwa reminded me of the squeezing in the grave. It has made me more conscious of preparing and protecting myself from the punishment and torture in the grave. Starting with reading Surah Mulk before bedtime.
4. Ease and Gratitude: It is more difficult to be in a state of shukr when you are experiencing abundance, ease, and comfort than to be in a state of sabr when you're struggling and in desperate need. When you’re in desperate need, you have no other option than to remember and turn to Allah.
5. Comfort in Hardships: I was able to experience a hajj of comfort, ease, luxury, and abundance even through hardships such as the weather and illness. I saw those as a redirection and expiation. So it is a win-win in both cases. Experiencing Allah SWT at every moment of hardship and ease makes you feel loved and taken care of.
6. Shukr and Obedience: Comfort, ease, luxury, and abundance necessitate being in a response state of shukr. State of shukr equals obedience to Allah. Obedience is the ultimate reflection of one’s Love for Allah. Allah loves us so much and that love is manifested in all the blessings we experience in our life.
7. Self-Reflection: Reflecting on where in my life I need to up my obedience to Allah. Where am I lacking obedience to Allah? What needs to change within myself? How am I demonstrating my shukr and love for Allah, The Most Generous and Kind, in all areas of my life? Listen to what your heart is telling you and don’t overthink your obedience to Him.
8. Guidance and Perception: Openness to shift my perception to the direction I am being guided to. Meaning nothing is black and white except what Allah says is right or wrong. Not being attached to my personal opinion or perspective to allow for Allah’s guidance through my intuition.
9. Good Thoughts of Allah: Having husna dhun, good thoughts of Allah. He is our Guide, Protector, Provider, and Maintainer. Of course, He is looking out for us. Trust that and trust Him even when you are confused. Hold on to this truth. Thinking this way about Allah gives way to thinking this way about ourselves and fellow humans.
10. Fighting Oppression: Don’t rely on yourself or your resources. Rely on Allah's army. Our part is strengthening our connection, Iman, taqwa, and tawakkul so Allah SWT can make us a means and use us as His army. The strength and results come from Him alone. We can only go so far with our own actions and strategy. The strategy is clear. Allah SWT will not change our condition until we change what’s needed within ourselves through deep self-introspection and connection to Allah. We begin by stopping any oppression of ourselves and in our families and communities.
11. Unity and Power of the Ummah: Our Ummah is capable of so much strength, internal and external, but needs to come together differently than we currently are. I felt so strong and proud during the various hajj rituals, being part of such a large group of people all doing the same action for the same purpose. There is so much strength and power in focus and purpose. I experienced so much kindness in sharing smiles, space, food, and resources with Muslims from all directions of the earth and walks of life. Laillaha Illaha is such a powerful, binding, unifying force that we don’t cultivate enough.
12. Making Change: Making change is not just about making noise. Knowing where change comes from: Lahowla waalaa khu wataa illabilah. Change will look different for each one of us, what we are being guided to do from deep introspection and connection to Allah. Each of us has a role to play and an impact to make by becoming the best version of ourselves with Ehsan and Taqwa, being part of the greater ummah. An ummah of strength, resilience, Taqwa, and tawakkul that can overcome the oppression we face as a collective.

A Personal Experience

Hajj is a completely individual experience and journey custom-tailored by Allah SWT for each guest. I saw this explicitly as each person in the same group had different experiences because our relationship with Allah SWT is 1:1 without any middleman between.

To answer the question…Why Me? Why was I invited and given an Epic experience throughout my Hajj journey is for me to be in a deeper state of shukr so that I can uplevel my obedience and Ehsan with Allah SWT.

So truly grateful to be chosen by Allah and invited to His house through acceptance of my dream dua of performing hajj with my sisters and their husbands. It allowed us to strengthen our bonds for His sake.

May Allah SWT reward all the coordinators, facilitators, guides, and spiritual advisors who made our Hajj EPIC. May Allah grant all the Hujjaj Hajj Mabrour and invite His servants back again and again for this journey.